i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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