i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
