did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
