I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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