You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
