i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
