We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
