I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
