I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
