Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
