her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize