i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
