So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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