His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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