East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
