I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize