You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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