Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
