i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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