I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
