I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
