Where did you get a picture of my penis
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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