At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you never un-have a 4some
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
