If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
