I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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