if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
