My first STD was from a foam party
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme