Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.