Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
