hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
