We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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