just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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