Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize