So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We need to get me chipped asap
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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