I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize