4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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