P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
