if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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