Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
