Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
