complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
