worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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