you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
