No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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