God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
