I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before