We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl