We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.