Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.