The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
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There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing