bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You've created a tinder dominating monster.