I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
