i permit you to call me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!