I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
