if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
