Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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