chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
