he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
