Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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