you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize