first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
