South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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