they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize