those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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