No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize