Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
