Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
