you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
